This week is all about creating content, living my truth and supporting my ladies that do the same. Yesterday afternoon I sat in on a webinar hosted by Black Bloggers United and man, I have some work to do. I took notes and immediately after the webinar ended, I started looking at ways to collaborate and create a supportive community. In honor of that, here are some women on my radar who I believe are really shaking things up!
Most people who know me offline are very aware of my obsession with house plants. I mean, it’s bad ya’ll. I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things but ended up leaving with two new plant friends. (and without the very thing I stopped at the grocery store for.) However, I didn’t always have a “green thumb.”
Maybe it starts with your friend moving to a new city and they aren’t texting back like they used to. Different schedules and new priorities make it hard to time conversations just right and you begin to hear from them less. Or maybe there was an argument; something unforgivable was said. You’re usually the voice of reason, but this time you’re too fed up to take the high road. Or maybe nothing in particular happened. Maybe you woke up one day and realized it’s been months since you’ve heard from your best friend.
We’ve all experienced the pain of ending a friendship yet theres this weird silence when it comes to talking about the heartache associated with this sort of loss. It’s almost as if we aren’t expected to mourn. (or at least not talk about it.)
Over the last couple of years, I’ve found myself growing distant and eventually losing the intimate bonds I had to people who were so close to me. Some friendships faded so effortlessly that I don’t have an explanation as to why it fell apart. Some friendships were toxic and one sided so they had to end. Either way, it didn’t make letting go any easier. I see their favorite animal and think of them. I’ll be somewhere minding my business when a song will play and remind me of a special moment we shared. I still feel like I carry bits and pieces of all my best friends with me.
Life has a funny way of going on, whether you’re ready or not. On one of my best friend’s birthday, I was sitting in Chaifetz arena with another friend. I was watching the basketball game and enjoying his company, but all I could think about was how it’s her birthday and we haven’t spoken in months. That night I went on Facebook to send her well wishes only to find out I was no longer on her friends list.
I guess what I want you to take from this is it’s ok to mourn losing a friend. It’s ok to miss them and even feel the urge to reach out. Just like with any breakup, it’ll get easier. Until then, be gentle with yourself. Figure out what values are important to you when it comes to friends. Be a better friend to the people you still have around you.
With all the craziness that life can throw your way, having a friend is a blessing to be cherished. Certain chapters have to end so new ones can begin. Have you ever had a best friend break up?
We’ve all been there, scrolling through our social media feeds and seeing posts from a friend whose life looks like a complete fairy tale. A feeling of awe may fall over you, maybe even a mild sense of jealousy. Meanwhile, you’re still not entirely sure what path you want to take. Or maybe you just started following your dreams and you’re in the ugly phase. Repeat after me: no one has it all together. Now lets breathe a sigh of relief that you aren’t alone.
Sometimes it’s really easy to see the things that other people are doing and compare our progress to theirs. The problem with that is these posts are just a peep into someones life; a perfectly curated peep that isn’t the whole story. I know this, but I still find myself feeling a tinge of “man I wish I was as ____ as this person.” Or my all time favorite, “look at what this person is doing. I need to get my life together!”
It’s ok to use those posts as motivation but once you start comparing your life to theirs, you already lost. (I was tempted to insert that .gif of Dj Khaled saying “congratulations, you played yourself,” but I’m trying to be serious right now. Ha.)
Instead here’s some tips that helped me when I was struggling with those feelings:
- Resist the urge to check your feeds first thing in the morning.
I find that starting my day writing about what would make it great and what I’m grateful for sets the tone for the rest day. It also gives me a chance to take note of the progress towards my goals. There’s no feeling like knowing you are on the right track.
- Feel more content with your life.
Weird feelings can take over once you get a peek into someone else’s life. The best way to combat that is finding solace in your own life. Learn something new. Sign up for that one hobby you were always wanted to try. (I’m trying ceramics) Spend some time with people who allow you to feel comfortable in your skin. Focus on all the great things you have going for you!
- Give yourself a break.
We are our harshest critics. I vented to a friend because I was feeling down based on one aspect of my life. It took that friend reminding me of all the other great things I’ve done/am doing for me to be like hold up, I’m tripping.
Do you spend a lot of time on social media? Have you ever found yourself comparing your life to someone else’s?