I’ve never hurt myself. I thought therapy was reserved for people with real problems. Why should I seek professional help over a couple of bad days or weeks? I went to work and I got things done. Ya girl was fully functioning; I wasn’t like the people I’d see on tv with depression. But the first lie depression told me was I wasn’t depressed.
Last year was a tough time for me. I was navigating an unexpected breakup and the passing of my grandmother on top of trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I suffered alone and mostly in silence.
I’ve been sad before, but this kind of sadness was different. Depression doesn’t present itself in one specific way. It also doesn’t feel one specific way but here’s the lies my depression told me.
Nobody Cared About Me
I was convinced that everyone around me felt bad for me. Loved ones would still hit me up as usual. But for some reason I believed they pitied me and didn’t actually want me around. Because of this, I didn’t ask for the support I knew I needed. I didn’t want to be a burden.
My Situation Wasn’t Going To Get Better
This lie was the biggest of them all. But while I was stuck in my sads, I really believed it was true. It got to the point where everything felt so dark that there couldn’t possibly be light at the end of the tunnel. Whenever I’d try something to pull me out of my bad mood, I seem to get sucked back in and end up right where I started. I took this as a sign that I should give up, not try harder.
I’ll Never Be Happy
I didn’t get a call back for a job I really wanted. I felt stagnant and unappreciated at my current job. My love life wasn’t what I wanted it to be and (for a lack of better terms) I felt like I wasn’t shit. I was fixated on all the things going wrong. If I couldn’t fix those things, how can I be happy?
Life is a cycle. It’s continuously shifting up and down. When it’s down season, you have to ride it out. Look at me now! I’ve been laughing and loving and blooming and growing. I am more free than I’ve ever been. This all shows that the seasons change.
I decided to share this very personal story only to show you how much better things can get. Last year I put my self care into overdrive. I joined a gym and I still attend regularly. I opened up to friends about what was going on with me. Writing became a daily ritual. And most importantly, I got help.
If you ever find yourself starting to believe the lies depression tell, find something to hold onto. Whether it’s music, reaching out to friends or seeking professional help. You can do this. It will get better. It’s just down season.
The world will end many times but begin again in the morning. Have you or someone you know ever been affected by depression?