Lately I’ve just been going through the same motions; work, eat, stress over finding time to complete a task from my to do list, sleep and repeat. Most evenings I would lay in bed and think where did the day go?! It’s like I’ve been on cruise control or autopilot. And don’t even get me started on linking up with friends. Life is such a blur sometimes that if we do find time to chat, I dread that one question: What have you been up to? How do I make my life not sound so monotonous!?
Then it happened. Sometimes you need something big to knock you out of autopilot. For me, it was the passing of my grandmother. My mom told me the news last Wednesday while I was in the midst of planning the work week. Immediately I thought of how long it’s been since I called my granny and the last conversation we had. I know she’s been sick for awhile but for some reason I always believed I had more time to see her. Last summer I put it off because of my promotion. Last winter I put it off because I was too lazy to renew my passport. This was my wake up call.
Though I am still mourning and I get these random crying spells when I think about everything that’s happened in the last week, I’ve rearranged my priorities and I feel like I’m getting back to what is important to me. I have a bad habit of putting my personal goals to the side to handle work related issues and now I’m questioning why. Especially if this isn’t my forever career.
I’m thinking more about what I need. I’m in the process of putting the vision of what I want out of life onto paper. It’s still a little foggy in some areas, but I have specific goals down and the steps required to achieve these goals. Life doesn’t just happen to you and I’m making more of an effort to be deliberate, be present and shape every aspect of it into what I want it to be. I miss my grandma everyday but I feel like she’s watching over me and I feel like she’s proud.
You only get one life to live and just going through the motions day in and day out while on autopilot is not the best way to live it. Have you ever experienced a loss that sort of “woke you up”?